Understanding Mind-Reading Tendencies

So, you think you know what other people are thinking, do you? With mindreading, the tendency is often to assume that others are thinking negative things about you or have negative motives and intentions.
Here are some examples of mind-reading tendencies:

• You’re chatting with someone and they look over your shoulder as you’re speaking, break eye contact, and (perish the thought) yawn. You conclude immediately that the other person thinks your conversation is mind-numbing and that he’d rather be talking to someone else.
  
• Your boss advises that you book some time off to use up your annual leave. You decide that he’s saying this because he thinks your work is rubbish and wants the opportunity to interview for your replacement while you’re on leave.
• You pass a neighbour on the street. He says a quick hello but doesn’t look very friendly or pleased to see you. You think that he must be annoyed with you about your dog howling at the last full moon and is making plans to report you to environmental health. You can never know for certain what another person is thinking, so you’re wise to pour salt on your negative assumptions.

Stand back and take a look at all the evidence to hand. Take control of your tendency to mind-read by trying the following:

• Generate some alternative reasons for what you see. The person you’re chatting with may be tired, be preoccupied with his own thoughts, or just have spotted someone he knows.
• Consider that your guesses may be wrong. Are your fears really about your boss’s motives, or do they concern your own insecurity about your abilities at work? Do you have enough information or hard evidence to conclude that your boss thinks your work is substandard? Does it follow logically that ‘consider booking time off’ means ‘you’re getting the sack’?
• Get more information (if appropriate). Ask your neighbour whether your dog kept him up all night, and think of some ways to muffle your pet next time the moon waxes.

You tend to mind-read what you fear most. Mind-reading is a bit like putting a slide in a slide projector. What you project or imagine is going on in other people’s minds is very much based on what’s already in yours.